Why NOT me?

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Remember back when I was having some health issues and I stopped eating wheat for a while. Well, although cutting out wheat was helpful we still didn’t have any clarity on what was causing those problems. After numerous appointments and tests my doctor asked me to get an ultrasound because all of my blood work was not just fine but GREAT! He wanted to be sure there was nothing going on with my organs. I had the ultrasound and immediately received a call from the doctor. They saw something on my pancreas in the ultrasound and wanted to get a closer look. Now I heard the word pancreas and I knew that if they saw something, it could be really bad.

I was scheduled to get a CT Scan. After days of waiting and a little worry, I finally got the test done. The week leading up to the test was very interesting, My husband and I asked for prayer at church on Sunday and I began to feel peace. I kept praying ” Lord, I trust you and whatever the outcome I know you will be glorified!”.

Now let me stop here and just say that I’m not that girl… you know “that” one… the super optimistic one, always Praising the Lord regardless of her circumstances, I really wish I could be “her” but I’m not. I had been feeling really disconnected in my relationship with God and working really hard to get my priorities right, so all of this was a surprise to me, being so positive, so trusting, so at peace.

I went in for my CT Scan with that attitude – “if this is cancer, we’ll be fine, I know God will use this in my life” and I believed this 100%. It was a really freeing feeling! I was confident, not in my health but in my God.

“And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28

I had to wait 2 days for the results, and although I was a bit nervous I felt peace. I got a call from my doctor on Wednesday telling me that they found NOTHING!  I hung up the phone and cried, I really expected the worst and I would have been ok with that… I know that sounds crazy but it’s the truth. I took a minute to gather myself then I called my husband who was so relieved. I spent the rest of the afternoon snuggling the kids and realizing how loved I am, how blessed!

I’ve often heard it said “Why me?” or “It can’t happen to me!” – – – and I always wonder, Why NOT me?

What makes me so special that I could avoid sickness, loss or trials.

My uncle died from cancer one year ago. It was a very long, very painful sickness and many people said, “why Dave…” and I don’t know the answer to that but I do want to say “Why not?” Why someone else? Aren’t they loved? Aren’t they special, don’t they have family and friends. My uncle was amazing, and I love him very much, but I don’t ask why… I’m impressed by his strength through his illness and know that God had a purpose.

So that’s where I’ve been, I’ve been hanging out with family, friends, going to reunions and weddings. I’ve been being blessed!

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  • Reply
    Courtney Lewis
    August 13, 2009 at 11:39 am

    That was very profound and I feel exactly the same way. I’m so glad that you are healthy but that is my outlook on life too. Why not me? You write so well. I love your webpage too. It looks so professional! I can’t wait to see the pics from Caleb’s Big Top bithday party!

  • Reply
    August 17, 2009 at 1:59 pm

    I feel the same also….what makes me so special as to avoid the illness that has fallen on me? Am I any more loved by God? I’m thinking no. So, I get along the best that I can and thank the One who made me that it isn’t something worse.
    I thank Him also that you’re OK, while I can handle my own issues I’m not sure how brave I would be if anything happened to someone I love.

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